The F word

To say that this week has been a breeze would be a big fat lie! Sorry to use the F word, especially on a blog that is meant to be a diary of sorts for my weight loss journey, but it just seems to be the best word right now. Fat fat fat fat FAT!

So let's sum up the week shall we?

 Remember my weeks start and end on Thursdays. Last Thursday I was pleased as punch to see another loss at the scale.

I felt very in control of my surroundings over the weekend. My boys are super supportive and want me to succeed. They aren't fussy to eat what I eat. They might just have seconds, or put a little extra somethin' somethin' on their plates. It's super helpful that one meal is prepared, and they can just adjust it to their liking.

All in all, Thursday thru Sunday went well.

Then I went to work on Monday. Sigh.

I spaced that it was teacher appreciation week, so I didn't have a chance to get my mind set. Our PTA is pretty awesome. They really go above and beyond making sure each teacher and staff member know they are appreciated. Let's start with Monday, shall we? 2 words: Cinnamon. Rolls. EEEeeeeek!!!!! I LOVE a gooey, warm, fattening cinnamon roll. And these looked SO yummy! I texted my friend, and told her my problem. She texted back telling me "Don't eat one! They could be poisoned." So I kept that in the back of my brain. Poisoned. As in, if I eat one, by bodies reaction could be excessive swelling in the cheeks and tummy region. So I stayed away. Little victory #1..check!

Tuesday. Chips and Salsa from only my favorite place in the valley, Café Sabor. Oh my ever lovin'! BUT, my mind switched. I wasn't deprived at all because I knew that my family was going to be having taco salads that evening for dinner, so I told myself, I could stick with my plan and just have my own little fiesta a few hours later with my family. I didn't even step foot inside the teachers lounge to be tempted. Little victory #2..check!

 Wednesday. A catered lunch by Firehouse. Eh. Not even tempting. I have never loved Firehouse pasta, and that was what was being served, so the tiny victories just keep adding up. Little victory #3...check!

That leads up to today! THURSDAY! Besides the shoe box full of odds and ends (Think, "teacher survival kit") that also included lots of candy, which by the way I will not deprive myself of a treat now and again. In fact I've already figured out the WW points for the treats I know I'll want eventually from that box. Did you know a fun size Snickers is 2 points? So is a fun size Mounds. And a regular size 100 Grand is 5 points. I'll enjoy half for one Sunday, and the other half for another Sunday. I have will power like that! Anywho....I kind of got off the subject talking about candy, but the PTA also set up a sandwich bar in the faculty room. I was looking forward to my salad though, that I packed for lunch. And although the fixin's they had set out for the sandwich bar were all totally ok and "legal" on my forever journey plan, I chose to just stick with what I brought from home. I was going to be weighing in, in a matter of a few hours, so I wanted to make sure I stuck with the days plan!  Little victory #4...check!

As hard as the week has been, I am happy to say that my will power (or should I call it "won't power") paid off. For some, my little victories might seem silly, and it's ok to think so. I won't judge. This is a judge free zone. Oh, and P.S....


Weighing in  -2.4 That's a big FAT minus! Little Victory #5

How to measure success

 

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

 

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Feeling Weak, Week 2

My weeks start and end on Thursday evenings. Does that even make sense? Well the good news is, it doesn't have to make sense to you, only to me. Week 2 of my forever journey started off great. Basically, last Thursday evening, even Friday morning and afternoon was a walk in the park. Then Friday evening hit. I was hungry.  I was tired, which made me angry. I guess I was "hangry!" I stayed :"hangry" until Monday. I honestly don't know what the heck was going on but I was getting in my daily points, eating 'good for me' food and actually good tasting food too, but I was miserable. Last time I did weight watchers, I remember sitting in a meeting and the question was asked, "What is the difference between appetite and hunger?" Well, as a class we decided appetite was when you might be watching t.v. and a commercial comes on for your favorite fast food restaurant and suddenly you just HAVE to have that. Or if you're like me and you find yourself watching hours of the food network or the cooking channel, (with a bib on to catch your drool....) that is appetite. Hunger is the feeling of weakness, you might not feel well, perhaps you are shaking and that little growly noise you get in your tummy appears. Ya. I was definitely HUNGRY! I'm so glad I took that little tool with me from my last go around with WW and can measure appetite vs. hunger. Tuesday morning I decided I would up my protein during breakfast, to see if it would sustain me a bit longer. Guess what? It totally worked! I ended up making some scrambled eggs, but added black beans, salsa and a (shredded) piece of string cheese. So tasty, and so fulfilling, in more ways than one. After I wasn't miserable, I knew I could make it just a few more days until my next weigh in, which was TONIGHT! I know the suspense is killing you. Tonight we talked about how to turn your "Why" into "How." I know WHY I joined WW. Simply put, I feel like crap, I sweat like a whore, and I don't want to wear polyester stretchy pants when I'm 40. I'm sooooo going to rock the blingiest back pockets on my 40th birthday! YOU. JUST. WAIT! So I need to figure out HOW I'm going to get to that goal and stay there until my 99th birthday. I can tell I've already started my mental thinking on HOW I'm going to do this. I am already looking at food differently. Am I going to choose a handful of crackers or a banana? Well let's see. The crackers have a 3 point value (for 6 wheat thins btw) and a banana has 0 points value. Hmmm. I think I'll have the banana now, and save the 3 points for a few croutons on my salad at dinner. Am I deprived? I dont' feel deprived. I still get those 3 points and it's going to make my rabbit food salad taste soooo divine come dinner time! I'm getting there. And with all of you cheering me on, it will be a victory we can all celebrate!


Weighing in:
I am making it a goal to get a bit more water in this week. Not going to lie. When you work in education it's not super easy to escape and go to the bathroom, so the water intake isn't as much as it could be throughout the day. Wish me luck.
Week 2: (4/23/2015) -4.6
Total loss to date: 10.4

And so it begins...aGAIN

7 years ago, I dug out my brave pants and walked through the doors of our local Weight Watchers. I had gained a lot of weight after moving away from home, after marriage, and after having a baby. My brave pants were extra tight at this point, but I knew I had to do it! That was one of the hardest things I've done in my life. I still remember the feelings I had as I told the women at the front desk, "I am ready to change my life." And so it began. I worked my butt off, literally. Within 8 months, I had lost 70 pounds and became a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. Yay me, right? WRONG!  You see the thing is, once you hit your goal, you can't quit. You can't just assume that once you've crossed the line and you're feelin' fine, that you are done forever. I thought I was. And slowly but surely weight started creeping on. I'd see myself up 5 pounds and say to myself, "Well, my pants still fit. I won't let the scale go aaaaany higher," but when it did, I justified it again by saying, "Well, I know it's not realistic for me to be this size anyway, so one size up really doesn't make that big of a difference, and I still feel good." And then 1 size up, turned to two sizes up, and then eventually the scale got very dusty sitting in the corner of the bathroom. I quit caring. It was too hard, and I gained all that weight back.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I hadn't quite gotten my ah ha moment, but knew I couldn't wait around for it, because by the time the lights came on, I'd be in BIG trouble! I did know that it was time to face my fears again, and thus the title of this post "And so it begins aGAIN" happened. And the hardest part??? Walking through those dang doors of Weight Watchers, as a failure. It's taken these last two weeks, to realize that this journey isn't until I hit my goal. This journey is a life long, forever, through thick and thin (pun intended) journey. I had somewhat of an ah ha moment when I realized that God loves me no matter what. NO. MATTER. WHAT. But I want him to know that I love him too! And the body he gave me, is a complete gift! And I started thinking about material gifts I've received in my lifetime, and how I value them and don't want anything to happen to my special treasures. This is when the light switched. Don't I think that God thinks I'm a special treasure? Don't I think that God would want me to take care of the gift he gave me too? Of course he does. And so I have committed myself to take much, much better care of that gift he gave me. Does this mean that I can never enjoy a brownie again? Nope. God wouldn't want that. Does this mean I have to give up my Diet Mountain Dew? Nope. He definitely wouldn't want that!  Does this mean I have to be accountable to everything I put into my body, being food, or drink or exercise? YEP!
It's been 2 weeks since I began my forever journey and I have to put my pride aside and be ok with letting people know I'm trying to be a better version of myself. I am putting it out there so you can all help me. And fyi....helping doesn't mean, nagging. I need as much support as I can get. So let's raise our diet dews and toast, "TO US!" *ching*

Weighing in:
Week 1  I feel great. I made a consistent effort to get off the couch and into the gym again. I have a great work out buddy, which is helping me stay accountable, and while our lives make it so we can't get to the gym everyday, I made sure I got some sort of activity in at least 5 times a week. Tracking points on the new Weight Watcher system (Points Plus) is a breeze! I have the app downloaded to my phone, so everything is at my finger tips.
Weigh in date April 16th:  -5.6 lbs.
Weigh in date April 23: Stay tuned