Reject, Deflect, Accept.

Dear Bloggy thing,

First off, I want to thank you for always being there for me to let me vent my feelings. There have been several times, when I vent and never even hit that cute orange "publish" button, but you still listen regardless. Thank you!
Here's the deal-pickle.
Yesterday I walked into a room, maybe with 5-6 people. It was a small group. As I walked in and went to my seat, a woman on the end of my row said (quite loudly) "YOU'RE SO LITTLE!" I honestly thought nothing of it, until after I sat, I could hear she was still talking, so I turned my head to see whom she was talking to, and she was talking to ME! She was complimenting ME! She then began asking me questions. How much weight have I lost? How long did it take, and so on.  I am MUCH more comfortable talking about the weight watcher program, and less comfortable talking about ME so I felt awkward-ish.  I've never ever, in my short legged life, liked to be the center of attention. And for about 5 minutes last night, I was. The lady in the row in front of me chimed in. Then the people across the aisle were listening in. Then another lady came in the room and joined in the conversation. I was relieved when the subject of "ME" ended and the subject of the program took over.

Now I'm asking, bloggy thing. Why is it so darn hard to accept a compliment? I mean, what do you say when someone says, "You're so little."
I'll tell you what I said. I said, "me-ha-hee-ha."

It's tough for me. I mean, I've lost a substantial amount of weight. 88 pounds. Ok...89, because for some strange reason I lost another pound this week. And everyone always wants to know what I've lost, and hardly no one ever wants to know what I've gained.

Dear bloggy thing, I'll tell you what I've gained. I've gained: Self Worth, Self Confidence, Appreciaton, Love of fitness, Understanding, Happiness, Not that I was UNhappy, but I wasn't HAP, happy, either. I'm happiER!

I read once, and saved it on the notepad in my phone,
"The way you deal with compliments reflects your level of self-esteem and self-worth." 
Well I just said I gained both of those things, but I'm still very uncomfortable accepting a compliment. Oh what a tangled web.

I don't think I have been one to ever reject a compliment, unless my "me-ha-hee-ha" chuckle is considered rejection. I think it's more along the lines of deflection. A kind of, "Hey, let me laugh this off, so the person complimenting me feels awkward enough and quits talking" sort of deflection. That's actually kind of sad now that I think about it. But in all honestly, I'm a deflector.

Them: "Wow! You've lost weight, you look great!"
Me: "I have batwings under my arms."
Or...
Them: "You look great!"
Me: " But look how great YOU look! Your haircut is adorable! Who does it?"

I need a lesson on accepting a compliment. I mean, I'm dang proud of what I've done. I honestly consider myself the same person, only a better version of myself. Myself...2.0 I really do appreciate the compliments. Really. I do. Perhaps the best thing from here on out should go something like this.

Them: "You've lost a lot of weight. You look great!"
 Me: "Thank you. That's very kind of you."
Or... I could work on my Elvis impersonations and say something like, "Thank you. Thank you very much."

Sometimes I want to say, "Thanks. I've worked my butt off," But to me, that doesn't come off to friendly. So maybe I could do a P.S. as they are walking away?? No. I'll stick with the "Thank you" and remember to smile!

Love,

Me

Confessions of a Lifer

It does not get any easier!

I’ve given a little thought to this post, wondering if I should attempt to air my feelings on a subject such as this, or just let it go, but sometimes, getting it "out on paper" is helpful, so here it goes.  

 I realize that everyone has their own experiences with their weight loss (or whatever type of journey you are on) but this bloggy thing is simply a way to share my experiences. These are my thoughts, opinions, and struggles.  And they are real.  If this doesn’t apply to you, then kudos to you and please tell me your secrets.

 Ok. About that whole “it doesn’t get any easier” thing.  Let me just say this.  There is a reason that Weight Watchers markets itself as a lifestyle and NOT a diet.   A diet (with the first syllable being "die") is a quick "fix" for losing weight. Sadly, what usually doesn't get "fixed" is you mindset.  You have strict rules, such as no carbs, low carbs, no sugar, high protein, no protein, etc. You have to count calories, drink only juices that taste like chalk, tree bark or cow poo.  Basically, you are the ones stuck at home crying wo is me, while others are out having fun and enjoying life. You make it so you "can't go" to any event or activity because your DIEt won't allow it. Well SIGN ME UP!!! I LOVE having zero fun and being known as a Debbie downer. Not.  

Granted, some diets can be successful, but once you hit your goal, and bring back the restricted foods, BAM! The weight comes back. Why? Because you haven't had to learn how to eat. I'm talking, regular food you find down ANY aisle from the grocery store. NOTHING is off limits with Weight Watchers because it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle.  Weight Watchers taught me to account for EVERYTHING I eat. If I bite it, I write it. If I lick it, I bic it and so on. Letting me eat whatever the heck I want turned weight loss into a maintainable lifestyle. I can have my cake and eat it too,  as long as I account for it. Life is good. Cake is good-er.

That being said, I want cake. I want cinnamon rolls. A fresh glazed donut sounds mighty fine right now. Those cravings don't suddenly disappear once you hit lifetime status. At times, I feel they are stronger. The good news is, I know that I CAN have them. I've learned that a taste is sometimes enough, and an entire donut is sometimes sooo worth it. I've also realized that I'm stronger than I think I am, and a cold glass of water, or some fresh fruit takes those cravings to a minimum and bearable. And then before I know it, (and it could be days later) I don't have that itch anymore, and how GOOD do you think it feels to come off conquering those demons? DANG GOOD! 

Am I the only one that actually finds the endless process of weight maintenance to be harder than the actual process of losing the weight?  Weight loss isn't a "one and done" type of deal. This is where shifting your mindset comes in handy. Because of the weight watcher program, I have learned and embraced my non restrictive way of eating. I have been maintaining the same weight (up and down 1-2 pounds) for 1 year and 5 months  now. It CAN be done. I am committed to live this lifestyle forever. Tough days and all. 

This post is not meant to be a downer post. In fact, I hope that it would be inspiring or motivating and reach someone that might be feeling some of my feels.   There's no magic pill. There's no fad diet that will make you magically thin, or have less cellulite, or any of that weirdness.  The magic comes from within.  It takes a lifetime of hard work, dedication and self-discipline, or I have called it in the past, "Won't power!" I WON'T go back to the days of old, and so I write about it here so on my hardest days, I can look back and say, Oh yeah. I already know what giving up feels like. Let's see what it feels like if I don't.  

The only thing that is coming to mind right now, is the Dos Equis guy....